"The Bill" is the second episode of the third series of the British dark comedy anthology television programme Inside No. 9. It first aired on 21 February 2017, on BBC Two. The episode was written by Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton, and was directed by Guillem Morales. "The Bill" focuses on four men—Archie, Malcolm, Kevin, and Craig—arguing over who should pay the bill in a restaurant at closing time, much to the dismay of the waitress Anya. It addresses themes of masculinity and competition, and the English north–south divide is a recurring issue; Craig, the visiting southerner, is wealthier than the other three, and unfamiliar with some of their terminology.

The episode was inspired by a real dispute seen by the writers, and also influenced by Yasmina Reza's play 'Art'. "The Bill" starred Pemberton as Malcolm, Shearsmith as Archie, Jason Watkins as Kevin, Philip Glenister as Craig, and Ellie White as Anya. Callum Coates played Tim, who appears in the episode's final scene. Though set in northern England, the episode was filmed in a Hendon restaurant. Commentators compared the episode to the television series Hustle, the work of the director Quentin Tarantino—including his 1992 film Reservoir Dogs—and Roald Dahl's 1948 short story "Man from the South", which was adapted for both the television series Tales of the Unexpected and the 1995 anthology film Four Rooms.

Critics responded positively to "The Bill", praising its humour, direction and acting. Glenister, Watkins, and White were all singled out for particularly compelling performances. Despite considerable praise for the writing and timing, some commentators questioned the effectiveness of a twist in the closing minutes, several criticising the final scene. "The Bill" won Shearsmith and Pemberton the Best TV Situation Comedy award at the 2018 Writers' Guild Awards.